Right in front of me

Recently I came to realize that my life is very full. For years I have worked very hard to better the bond & value of the relationships in my life, mostly family. Certainly there have been rough patches, but in life there always will be. Along w/ letting more of them in to know what is really happening in my life, too I was reminded of how I am being deceived & used. There are some situations & people you can’t walk away from easily. We learn from some of the deepest wounds, & as we grow we better understand how to deal w/ those harming us. As well, how to better trust & open up to those which are not deceptive. Committing to positive action for positive result eventually turns for the good, & that is what I have been working toward in my life w/ my family. The work is never finished since we never stop growing & learning. Another aspect I have become aware of is that outside of family I have a few good friends I know I can trust & that trust me, because we’ve gone through thick & thin together. What is beyond family & a few good friends isn’t worth it. & I am talking about my experience, perception & intention only. This does not necessarily apply to everyone. I am not oblivious to the fact that to view me from the outside w/out having gone through thick & thin___ it’s difficult to know what to make of me. This is part of why I say what is beyond family & close friends isn’t worth the trouble, because it works better in my life to let the real people reveal themselves over time. I am weary of people to begin w/ & it’s taken a long time to develop the relationships I have; now I would rather just focus on those. There is enough deception to deal w/ at hand already, & while making new friends would be great___ my life is complicated enough as it stands. More than enough is piled onto my plate & I don’t need more. You think some are kind, but they turn out glib. You try to be polite & continue on w/ friendly, but it amounts to just being perfunctory behavior. & on it continues! Some just want sex. Some just want to be around for association due to reputation. Some just want to take & not reciprocate. Essentially it boils down to: I’ve realized it’s all just not worth my time, when I’ve already got all the wealth & love I can handle right in front of me.

Written: 6/19/2014