Saturday, November 21, 2015

Obvious contemplation

Never fully grasped
& proof of the opposing variable
thru eyes___
seems to remain solid
thru the years___
& seconds that continue, perhaps
reasonably.

All good things come w/ pain

When others can't see what
you really___
want___
a deep pain grows along side that
want.

For a reason

These poems are the result
of me shooting myself
in
the foot.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Showing hope

Blades
of evergreen
are beginning to
grow through
the cold mud of
November.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

The shattered past

It still
hurts, but I
know___
it's still going
to be___
fine.

The cage fighter

I broke
his nose
w/ the back of
my skull,
just
to get him off
of me___, because
he was trying
to take
something___
I didn't
want
to give.

The saboteur

I used reason
to keep him
from
hitting me, but
no matter
how logical
& calm
I remained___
there was
no stopping the
breaking
&
yelling.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

To be whole in this lifetime

Broken pieces
slowing coming together,
from large to shard___
searching by patterns & jagged
edges___, regardless
of fingers forever
bleeding.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Battle forever after

Don't
fall in love___
if you're not ready
for war,

& the potential of never coming back.

(Love can be merciless___
while yielding,
tolerant of wounds
which never stay stitched
& instances of revolt
that take up such energy
if feels like a poisonous strike___
that may just
kill you,
but by the same token___
you wouldn't be
alive at all
w/out it.)

Friday, October 23, 2015

(Fuck it___)

So what
if life lies
all year round,
& the main point
___ to you___
is the truth, when
there are so
many,
while there
are
so few.

Trust becomes lost
in the minutiae, like specks
on dime sized pebbles
sitting pristine
on the shoreline of a beach
so far off___
its location remains
unknown
even once reached.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Whatever reality is

Too much structure___
I feel cold in a space
where there is no
breeze___,
then there's outside
where there are others___,
& down the middle
I smile w/ glee as
a pool of blood
cakes my
ankles,
from patterns applied to

___ reality ___.

Beforehand, is it yours?

Freedom___
the utopia of the
mind, it's
there___ yet
you can't
touch
it.

Release___
you think once separated
from the body, that
perhaps you'll get
some___
real rest, if anything.

May not be so___
you may have to implode
first, from just
the state___
of
a single atom.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Red inside & out

Insecurities are the real blades

try to blame issues on another___,

but it's you

&___

we're all guilty.

The cut exists___

soz

to see the

red.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Finch blood (video 02)


Recording of All I want, also written 10/7/15 on the Finch blog. As said moments ago, hope you enjoy my silly rambling. Really feels good to just go off & let the words fly ;}
<3 xoxo

Finch blood (video 01)


Like to record my tangents sometimes, because it makes me laugh at how silly I am. This one, titled Yes, was written on my blog Anomalous Finch on 10/7/15. Hope those that see this get to laugh at my ridiculous nature too. Enjoy.

L.W.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

No shock necessary

Wounded & bleeding w/ one
cheek to the cold
of the floor___

a blot of ink surrounding
the opaque shape that is___
my body

in peripheral focus I
see the window's latch having
been flipped open, but___
it is still
shut
& no pane broken.

10/10/15

Saturday, October 3, 2015

It's not the same

Still cannot
get it right___
right now; ___ in
one way___ yes, & in
another way___
no___.

Won't stop trying though.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Operating off the cuff

8/30/15 Whether conscious or subconscious

Going through life
blind to one’s wounds
& scars may be
impossible,
being in denial of them is
very possible___
but either way we still
act out our
deepest memories
& emotions___
through our
every
day
actions.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Pin light

Aim for center
where rests
that tiny
pin prick in
the makeup of
waking realism,
close your eyes &
recall the undulation
of that light___
where you know
for certain___
it is not always
pitch black.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

A patch of reason

In theory
you can light a match
using your tongue,
while___
appearance
is one thing,
action is another.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

The burial gift


This image was taken at my grandfather's funeral, during the wake prior (or viewing as they call it in the South). As I'm sure it is easy to conclude___ that is his favorite fiddle, it was on a table to the right of his casket. The red cloth w/ black cross is the burial gift I made for him, & neatly tucked into his suit right as they were closing the casket. I miss him. The last words my grandfather said to me as we held hands, the day before he drifted into an unconscious state, was a prayer. He prayed for my health on his death bed. I believe that was the 11th, & he passed at 6am February 14th of this year___ surrounded by his wife & children.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Being

Beat by
reason to the point of
bleeding ___.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Punching the mind keys

Always more to consider

Calculating
in
all possibilities
w/ every
reason
you can logically
imagine, &
when the results
hit one
out of all
those
possibilities you
had previously
thought out

it
still___
doesn’t make you
Right___,
because more
always
comes to follow___.

*

Simplify

The rapidity
of repetition inside
is unstoppable


6/20/15

What's wrong may be right

Some things___ you just can’t fix
& it’s naïve to think change has really occurred
just because a variable or two has shifted,
you just end up wrong again w/ that
sick feeling eating at the guts___,
there are some wounds___ you just can’t stitch up
& it’s wondered if
they will bleed
for the remainder of this life___
even w/ acceptance,
compassion & understanding applied
through more than simple instinct.
(You may just think: it doesn’t
hurt to try).


6/21/15

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

No more tears over onions

Nesting in the atom
& peeling back cognitive layers,
tingling w/in the crackle of synapses
while calmly wondering when
the walls will collapse___
becoming only
effluvia.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Go deeper than the worms

Dig to the core,
since this
life
is no shallow grave.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Just remember

Palmistry
states that___
the middle finger
represents
justice.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Talking notes (video)


This bit came from a series of notes I took yesterday___ or the day before. Keep getting side swiped by___ well, what I attempt to describe in this video. I've only experienced this sort of breaking point three times now & this post is basically a result of my attempt at analysis. As it happens, nothing applies except the internal monologue, which is used to navigate such a situation. There's no choice but to navigate/calculate/rationalize___ because literally that's all that's left once past the breaking point. It still amazes me___ that it's possible at all for the body to reach such a sensation___ where it is as if there is nothing else. You are your own atom in the friction of existence as a whole, & if the center is not maintained properly___ you explode. It's beautiful, but___ in the thick of it___ a horror w/out true definition. (Note: there is nothing taken/consumed or the like to assist, because it's automatically understood that nothing can touch it/stop it/ease it___ it just is. & to honest, I don't mind that at all.)

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Popped photo fuse

Attempting
to unknot some wires
at least,
to strengthen photogenic memory___
&
maybe I popped a line
cuz
today I can’t see
shit___

when giving it a shot
all I get
is a blur w/ just one or two
still images ___
&
that includes short term memory___

I did
however
maintain a better grasp on
numbers___,
so
it’s not all bad___

Monday, June 8, 2015

Keep on

Trying to answer
questions calling when
I don’t understand
fully___
what goes on.

Monday, June 1, 2015

Inventory of my mind’s closet space

Examining the interstices
of internal processes,
combing through the logic
of why___.





Trying to trust what might be empty space


Due to how
my adaptation
& relearning after
brain damage
went___

(complete lacking
of past memory
& not being
able to hold on
to new memory
well___,
until
mid to late
adolescence___)

I can’t fully trust
the visual
recollection of
barely
anything
before
age seventeen___

*

My mind doesn’t bother
w/ retrieving certain
types of memory,
even in the current,
& I get annoyed when
forced
to reminisce alone, since
I need a person that
was present
& remembers properly
- - - to fill in
the blank spaces - - -
for me___

Saturday, May 30, 2015

What degree of comfort I have


The center is quite sound
& my heart keeps good rhythm,
even though resilience shows
there is a sensation of sharp particles
separating & coming back
together w/ a wild friction, which can be
rather shocking___
but worthwhile, & why not?

I hear there’s a purpose for everything___.

If the above is true___, then I just
might as well get used to it
& keep rolling w/ the punches
when there’s not much else to do___,
except create & wait
as I heal.


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Cracking to the core

What feels impossible
currently is
to convey the emotions
known w/in,
the surrounding
conflict.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Infected wound to scar

Deeper acceptance is required
to heal___,
even though I aim for positive
thought & action, I am
purging negative energy___.

I know
it’s not a person
that I am
disappointed in___,
instead
at the core
it’s the trauma that still
haunts my every day
that I have to
accept___,
before able to
heal.



I
know what
I am
saying, but
it all feels___
wrong when
flipping to
the outside...

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Life light


Strapped across
dancing ribs
is flesh more akin
to rice paper,
pay it no mind
since healing
takes time,
even if
this body were
stuffed
everyday
___ ___ ___
light would
shine through
anyway.





Friday, May 22, 2015

Still kicking


To eat
is a joke
right now,
once a day is
more
than enough.

I’m not sure
of the right words
to depict this degree
of sheer agony,
which drags
me to
the brink
& back through
tears & laughter,
reaching an
oddly maniacal point
 
where
I just don’t
feel
much else.

(video) None of this is real


A reading of a piece from my manuscript Show Heaven to the Sheep.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Trying to breathe through wool


Observation: Americans are reduced to bullied cowards told to march w/ their pride held out front, only to bully others from w/in their cowardice. We are taught to fear each other from a backward approach, that results in: by the time we could possibly realize___ we're already pitted against each other in our own war. That way we're distracted from the bigger issues, such as the one that keeps us pitted against each other. Like always I will say: annihilation, there are far too many of us. If perhaps a balance could be reached of reciprocity & communication between government & civilians___ I would stop saying: kill at least half. I don't want the slaughter anymore than anyone else, but___ it seems as though this is what humanity is begging for from a subconscious behavioral approach. At the moment I have no choice but to speak from the American point of view, because it's in my face every day. Not all countries are like this one, but just like all humans we run on foundational parallels (it's mathematically impossible not to).
My exact point___ |sigh| ___I just don't think I can properly convey in this post. Today I just wanted to say something to the world, to Americans specifically. If humanity could learn to lead w/ their hearts & rational minds, instead of pride & ego___ we would all be a lot better off. What bites most right now___ is knowing that won't happen in my life time. It may never happen. I hope it will though, because it would defy an entire category of observations & theories I have developed on the current human condition (which I do feel is limited by the American wool-pull). Plus, I grew up in & currently reside in what Americans refer to as: The Bible Belt. That's right folks, my messages come to you from The Heart of Dixie, only 45 minutes from the birth place of the KKK. Do you see my stance? One of the three largest arsenals in America is w/in walking distance of my house. Some days it sounds/feels like an air-raid! You wouldn't think___ but Huntsville, AL would be one of the best spots to bomb by 'terrorists'___. & that's what I call home___. 

(This song was actually released on the only album created under the name change to: Boingo. It was released May 17th, 1994 [only a week or so before Danny Elfman, JFK & my birthday] & wasn't terribly well received by the public. However, this album is just as wonderful as Oingo Boingo in its entirety. Really, give it a shot. Listen to the song Insanity, just for me ;} xoxo)

Friday, April 24, 2015

Is economy of e-motion wrong?


Have no illusions___
there fore no expectations,
resulting in lack of potential
disappointment & more
heartache
than necessary___.

Cutting to the quick takes forever



When working a lifetime
for self-actualization___,
sacrifices are made
en route
to a state of being often
questioned
if will ever be
reached___.

Balance & organization of energy
is almost more constant than
the obstacles continually
adapted to,
not by choice per se
but more a requirement___, as in:
to remain sharp
no matter
what, even if the horizon is
too far off to
be
fully grasped___.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Cut up & down in miracle town


Pain is one major distracter
w/ high fear & fatality rates

unless
you learn to
laugh at its expense
& fight from the right angle.

Pain proves life
& how easy it is to die, plus
the fact that running only
prolongs the issue

until
you’re able
to turn around
& face it, while adorned w/
your best
maniacal smile, because
that bitter sweet grin
is your ticket in
to
miracle town, even when
pain still holds
residence
inside.


Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Laying still while doing cartwheels


Every organ has contrast
w/ rocks between
the spine & shoulder blades,
joints lit aflame___,
a constellation web of
white agony ricocheting off
each pelvic bone___,
up the back
around the sides, &
behold____
down to the feet
& back up to the head!

Great trick___ no?


Sunday, April 12, 2015

Abating the abyss w/ bullshit


A little putrid

a little sweet,

add glass

& concrete___,

& you’ve got humanity.


Monday, March 30, 2015

Two empty graves


Fifteen years old, parents freshly divorced & living w/ my mother, brother & sister in the sticks of Toney, AL. I grew up in a small town called Athens w/ its own praised history & even university.  Not far from Huntsville & Madison, where my current hollow rests. Compared to Detroit, Nashville & Atlanta___ we were loose change on the map. Toney wasn’t on the map, exactly, because it was a couple gas stations & a post office, w/ similarly termed areas surrounding that you would only know if you lived in that particular patch of sticks. Each place I’d been by that point in my life had its version of crime. The day we finished moving our belongings, I remember rolling down the truck’s ramp on my skateboard & looking around at a series of empty lots, we were one of the first houses on that side of the block. As a year or so passed a few more houses had sprung up around us, ___ w/ neighbors. What surrounded the neighborhood was a series of woods, fields & creeks. Half hours drive in every direction to any actual town or city. The county jail was closer & a sign stating to not pick up any hitchhikers. Staring into the woods at night made my guts turn, because the only way to know what I was in for___ was to experience it first-hand.
By the time I’d turned fifteen we had lived in the house for about a year & a half. I had developed a system of rides to get into Huntsville at night. Talking on the phone one evening while waiting on my ride. A knock came at the door, so I hung up the phone thinking it was my friend arriving. Instead, I opened the door to see a stranger grinning awkwardly at me. He played the nice guy in the neighborhood card, but at the same time was shoving money in my hand to clean his girlfriend’s house on a weekly basis. I told him I would come over & check it out, but that was as far as I could promise. Still at an age where, whether or not I liked it, I needed permission to do just about anything. However, my mother approved since the couple lived across the street from us & I would be working while she was home. Thinking everything was in the clear, I walked across the street on the day I was supposed to begin cleaning, but nobody answered the door. I walked home & called the guy. He said they didn’t need me that day, so I went about my usual business for a few hours, until he called me. The claim he made was his girlfriend called to say she had friends coming to stay & they needed me to clean the guest room. I wasn’t sure what to do since his behavior was increasingly strange, but I went over to see what the call was really about. Reaching mid-way across the street, looking at the house, I felt the need to turn around as I remembered his awkward grin. Next I knew I was standing at the door weighing if I should ring the doorbell, or just run. ___I rang the bell. He popped open the door leaving it at just a crack & spouted some nonsense he tried to play off as a joke once the door was fully open. My skin crawled as I walked in & he told me to sit down. Naturally, my first question was, “Shouldn’t I be cleaning?” Right about that time he offered me a beer & I began eying the door. He rambled & flipped channels as each moment felt like a rigid eternity. Eventually he pulled out a crack pipe, first asking if I’d ever seen one before, then insisting I avert my eyes. So I looked at the television, which had been on the porn channel for a longer span of time than I could tolerate. Him pulling out the crack was where I drew the line. I got up & left w/out much explanation. The first thing I did was tell my mother. Needless to say I wasn’t going back over to their house___ for any reason. When he called I told him it was a no go, & after persisting a bit eventually he relented. I didn’t see or hear from him for about a month, until he called to try & convince me to sell pills to my friends. Another one I said no to after listening to his drug addled persuasion. A few more months went by & I had nearly forgotten about him, until another call came. He said he was doing work on his girlfriend’s mother’s home, one of the most well known mansions in the area, & said he needed help cleaning up her kitchen. I can remember him telling me how rich & particular she was about her valuables, so he wanted the kitchen spotless for her. Yeah, I went to my mother, because even though the guy was weird___ he called at a time when I was desperate to make money. Between the two of us, we laid out the pros & cons, until she left the final decision up to me. I now assume she did that w/ the mother’s instinct knowing I wouldn’t go anywhere w/ the guy. No was my final answer.
Afterward things went silent until one morning my mother burst into my room. She physically shook me awake & shoved the paper in my face. As I came to she was pointing & insisting I read a certain section. The article revealed that the man had bludgeoned his girlfriend’s mother to death in the kitchen of her mansion, & the dates confirmed that his last call was meant to involve me in the murder.
Age sixteen, a friend from my hometown & I were bored, so we went walking through the woods. I knew the area quite well & explained what was in each direction. We chose a path that stuck to a rough trail, because we sought adventure. Somewhere between our starting point & intended destination, we stumbled across two holes. It was apparent they were dug w/ unfulfilled intention, no longer fresh, & obviously graves. As the two of us looked up at each other, the understanding seemed to click that the holes were related to the crime, & that one was meant for me. That day we took a shortcut home.
What triggered me to write this occurred day before yesterday, when I was hanging out w/ two friends that are landscapers. It turns out they were hired to refurbish the area w/ gazebos etc. to make it more family friendly, but were oddly left flapping in the breeze as if the job no longer existed. One of them at least has seen the empty graves. He brought them up before I told the story. After admitting I know the location & the story behind them, he asked if I want to go out there. I said I never want to return to that place again, but now I’m changing my mind. For some reason___ I want to look into the face of an empty grave that was meant for my body. If I do___ I’ll take my camera.



(photo taken by me, models: Josh & Claire Abernathy)

Friday, March 27, 2015

Don't stop


To what I can do

When the war does end
& my past a simple scar,
there will be no end___


Thursday, March 26, 2015

Two poems II


Something I picked up between life & death

I am
sick to death
of this life,
& it’s
only just beginning
to ramp up___

there was a point a
long time back
where I just didn’t care,
because I thought___
& almost did
die___
& now the fight nears a
decade___,
sure another corner
is being rounded, but___
there’s no denying
I have been beat
to hell
& back, & I just
want
everything
to stop___, even if it
doesn’t
work that way

I don’t give
a fuck.

-

Just smile & nod

Don’t question me___
I don’t.



(I write so I can tell bad jokes only I like___.)

Two poems


At the bottom of the barrel

Drudging through sludge
battling debris
in a current of silt shit
on a little raft
I have been required
to construct since
birth,
to survive in the trash of life___.

However, life is beautiful in that it’s
shit for a good reason, not to
mention it’s not all bad,
or most of us would have put the
barrel to our heads long ago
& pulled the trigger
w/out thinking twice___.


-

The knee-high lesson

Existential nightmare___,
continuum shuttering from
inside where secrets
never sleep
or hide

from one end to the other___
everything is in its position for
a reason, & can change
w/out prior notice
just as it should, & we go w/ it
because there’s no other
choice

pain is a lesson___
you won’t forget for at least a
life time

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Conducting circuits


Today I had a needle in
my third eye
& wasn’t even aware of it,
until quickly plucked
out
w/ many others

it made all my energy
wake up___
open up___
to not only circulate, but to
perform certain tasks

w/ each atom standing
on end
it bowed
above me in an arc,
just as I began to feel
the whole of my emotions
purge



Sunday, March 15, 2015

Play into it


Atom-to-atom
we waltz
into
the abyss,
into
nothingness___,
playing
a little tune
just
for the sake
of it___.



Monday, March 9, 2015

Life ‘s a dirty bitch in plastic gloves



At the end of a tether is better

sometimes you’ve just got
to reach that point to
create friction & work for
results___

now my bonds & strength
have doubled, for once
a sense of pride is felt___
though I am humbled &
discretion is preferable___

my deeds may not
have appeared honorable in
the eyes of everyone, even
my own, ___an injustice
is forever such, & the
crime itself
has now become
common for women___,
it’s difficult to
maintain a moderately
optimistic
view of the future___
after a stranger under oath
had a hand
in having to walk the
fence between life & death___

illness has plagued me for a
fucking decade & all the while
the one thing always in focus___
has been determination to
survive___
no matter how dirty
the fight gets

Initial for the death of the past


Finally,
a piece has been moved___
the consequences
from which
there is
no turning back,
a variable very unfavorable
to the self & those
around___
which is why there isn’t
anyone around
that is too close, not
so close
one could touch or even
hang on___,
& having been detached
for so long due to the
all-consuming
nature of aforementioned
distasteful variable___
an excitement & a
weariness tugs at my guts

& even
required my signature to
be officially removed,
& there is no
regret



Saturday, March 7, 2015

Even w/out thinking


“Just start walking, you’ll find me.”

I understand those words much better now.
By & at the time the words were issued there was no way to get a good grasp.
Timing is usually an aspect of the riddles, though catching on at all is
a tiny revelation. One further recognition is another petal off the blossom,
but this always brings more flowers.
The mind can toy w/ only a few words unconsciously for long periods,
just remembering on occasion & applying them to the present.
Eventually we see the sun shine from another angle.


[You get used to it___ the ripple & shift of reality,
we change w/ each experience___ even while not
thinking of it___.
]



Friday, March 6, 2015

Just a note


Surface level is fine
for now, just a dip of the
toe into the bile___
more could be said, but
I find myself holding back
because internally I am
processing tasks
of my own, &
I’ve hit a point of numb
from transmogrification,
rapid change___

At present I am navigating a transition
that changes my lifestyle
dramatically for health reasons___
& thus far there has been:
losing control & saying no to
the dynamic of treating my body w/
pharmaceutical debt
illness & death of my grandfather
mourning
cleansing further
thought___

& I’m still working & content w/
how things are
for the moment___,
excuse me.



Photo by Claire Abernathy, me spinning w/ her umbrella in a foot of snow just for fun___
taken the first night I really said fuck it since mourning had hit
we did a shoot the next day in a grave yard, & that's when I knew I had more than
triggered the smile___
once able to let go & dance I felt better.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

More to it than meets the eye II


Sometimes it’s
possible to
get stuck in an
impossible
situation,
& all you can do
is wait
for an opening
& run
like hell, for
yourself
-
Just bite a bullet
to distract
from the pain,
you can sew your
own wounds
up
if you so please.



Saturday, February 28, 2015

More to it than meets the eye


Dance monkey dance,
it’s all you’ve got to
save your
ass
when someone
else
has the gun
in
hand,
meanwhile
you like to wonder
whether the wound
---
is worth it.
 



Tuesday, February 24, 2015

We don't see


Columbus didn't discover America
after begging for a ship
in a world of kings & queens,
he just stumbled upon a place he
didn't belong in___
then brought the sheep w/ him___.

Vikings had arrived long before
& the natives bested them
to free their land
again___, but
what the sheep brought was worse
than just a monstrosity, because
it was a holocaust of war
genocide & disease, but___
we don't acknowledge it anymore
like racism & the poor.

We don't acknowledge
the American Holocaust anymore
just like racism & the poor___.

(The original version is longer, but even more ugly___ so it's cut short, just like my blood lines.)