It's just me

When the illness had just began___
before paralyzing pain, screaming & vomiting
there was a twitch in my uterus___
it was still an adventurous time in my life
even though I suspected the onset
of something horrific, it didn’t stop me,
if anything the feeling encouraged me to go on
while I could still have fun___

One night, while sitting up in bed, next
to my sleeping boyfriend___
I watched a cloud form in front of me, w/in
was contained symbols laid out in formulas, &
even though I could hardly believe this
I was witnessing, joy rushed over me, since
inside I remembered everything___
as the cloud began to dissipate my mind
was bombarded w/ each karmic connection
made in life, only it felt like more, because
I was only twenty-two___

All this having passed I shook my head,
looked at the other sound asleep in my bed
knowing he experienced none of it___
I got up to take a piss
w/out turning a light on since
navigation in the dark is simple adjustment,
rounding the corner back to my room___
a light burst in front of me, & as
I stopped in the hallway it was clear
an Indian chief  stood
in front of me___

Not a word was spoken, I told no one
& nearly forgot during the worst years
of illness___
recently though, I’ve begun to remember
as additional experiences crop up___
not only
do I see him in my memory,
when rounding corners in the same house
I hear an infant crying___
sometimes for just a split second
& during long spans, knowing the windows
are all shut, I will walk outside
just to check
& hear nothing___