Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Today's photos




My hair is growing back into its wild state o' lion mane. Should be near shoulder length in a couple months. Excited. Vowed to never cut my hair again, aside from maintenance trims once a year or so. It's pulled back some in the photos, & I have bangs so it's a bit shorter in the front. Can't wait to start curling, waving etc. again, cuz I really miss waves & pin curls. It is untamed as is, so adding more wave just makes it even better ;} xoxo

Depending on circumstance


|White Foot Black Crow|

As the saying goes: are you a white foot
or a black foot___ Indian?

If you are a white foot, you are considered
honest in virtue___
if you are a black foot you are inherently
dishonest by fault___.

Truly though, there is no
one or the other, since it depends on
the motive
of the moment___.

What am I waiting for?


|Curiosity did not kill the cat|

Lightning
pierced through the sky
& like the curiously bold alley cat
I stood midst the storm, &___
visualized myself as a conductor
beckoning to be struck
& pierced
just as the sky, but___
nothing happened, even though
I waited patiently

& have been
for some time___.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Work mode




Me about to hit chapter 3 of my story A One Night Stand. (digging my Mac's photobooth option, because I don't even have to stop working, it's just a matter of key commands & it'll take shots of whatever I'm doing hah)

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Iconoclasts



A piece I fumbled across while moving my books, essays etc. to the bookcase I just happily inherited. Apparently I had forgotten about it! So, figured I would do a recording, because this one really steps out of the bounds that I've been writing in over the past year. To break loose & really just go at it felt great. Hope you guyz enjoy viewing/listening just as much as I did recording! ;} xoxo

New dress



My latest creation. Still avoiding my camera, but perhaps I'll post pictures of the real detail soon that are much more clear. The top layer is a grey & black kinda fuzzy mesh, there's a black skirt sewn in just beneath the bust. & a thin layer of mesh is sewn into the front of the bust so you don't just straight up see my bra. The back at top is sheer. & the fuzzy mesh top layer is split up to the hip (& hangs lower in the back than the front), so the skirt underneath has more flow room & can been seen easier.

Speeding up



Just a speed read of something I have just started writing titled Iye Igasho. Truly I just find this to be highly amusing & wanted to see how quickly I could read it aloud. Whether or not it makes sense to everyone who watches it really isn't my concern. It's taken 28 years for me to even be able to write these thoughts out. If anything, I hope it is entertaining to others. Peace.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

No Doris Day



No music, just me in the dark keeping myself company. Que Sera Sera, & yeah___ I'm no Doris Day, Peggy Lee, Dinah Washington OR Ella___ as well, my throat is sore from all I've done today, & have been battling a bit of a sore throat since the season changed. Still, this is another 'I don't give a fuck, so I'mma fly' post. Low quality bs I'm having fun amusing myself w/. Peace.

No sugar



This is the roughest recording I could manage. The mic on my laptop doesn't pick up my guitar very well etc. As well, I started this song this morning (meaning, regardless of lowest quality recording, it's rough on its own since it's fresh as can be). It has a doppelganger, one song is all sweet/love/sugar (it's questionable if that's my style at all) & this morning while working on the first song I decided to write its opposite: sad, no sugar___ no love. It being a holiday___ my brother & I drove out to see family. We share a great deal of musical tastes that are of wide variety, & what he was playing in the car seriously tweaked something in my head. The guy was all over the place w/ guitar, the music was sloppy & the guy would literally squeal as opposed to hitting a high note. I sat there thinking: & this guy is as popular as a 'straightedge' artist can be in the punk/whatever scene___ & making money off of THAT sound. Yeah___ so, here is my roughest & most unpolished piece, w/ as little practice as possible. As well only half of the first verse (didn't want to torture you guyz too much). Lyrics (which may not remain the same):

No_ no_ there's no sugar in my bowl
just me swimming in a dream
that may be the death of me
no_ no_ there's no sugar in my bowl
just a dream I hope won't drown me

Friday, April 18, 2014

It's about the frame of mind


"To walk in money through the night crowd, protected by money, lulled by money, dulled by money, the crowd itself a money, the breath money, no least single object anywhere that is not money, money, money everywhere & still not enough, & then no money or a little money or less money or more money, but money, always money, & if you have money or you don't have money it is the money that counts & money makes money, but what makes money make money?" - Henry Miller

My question is: if one has lived so long in poverty that money has only existed as a distant thought, not even a hope, & has found solace enough to persevere for knowledge as nutrition & speaking the truth as reason to continue living. ___Does the gain of money diminish the quality of truth once quality of living has been brought well above expectation? I understand that it is up to that individual to remain level headed/down to earth & not let aforementioned gain of funds___ run the show. Greed is an illness, & I suppose it's a matter of making sure the right thing is done, preventing the disease from taking hold. Money does not make a person. In fact, I believe it to be one of the last things on the list (if on the list at all) of what makes a person, a human being. It does not matter if one is rich or poor, it matters that they are true to themselves & their loved ones. If they know themselves w/ open heart & mind, accepting their faults & the faults of others, as well remaining open to further growth & understanding of the self___ then they are the most wealthy of individuals.

W/ a heavy & thick heart,

L.

Looking the landscape over___



An extra expression



Somehow___ during the editing of this photo, another face appeared in the left hand corner.
Not sure how this happened, I guess it could've been pulled from old data & added.
At first I thought perhaps it's the mask on the wall behind me, but looking closer___ no way,
it looks more like my nose & mouth, but that photo doesn't use that angle etc. of my face.
Neat.
For it to have replicated my face, the image would have had to 've been taken from an angle
more along these lines:


(thankfully my hair is much longer now)

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Making it lo


A recording, not from Show Heaven to the Sheep, but instead straight off the typewriter out of a binder I refer to as The Beast vol. 2. Folders full of raw work off the machine. Was looking through it all today just to see___ since there are more manuscripts to be composed. At least two or three, but now does not seem to be the time to create another manuscript. Thinking it better to just work on my fiction writing & forget about the books. Show Heaven to the Sheep is basically under lock & key right now (it is preciously unseen), & creating more to just be kept tucked away___ doesn't sound like much fun. It's been awhile since my work has been published, & frankly I don't know what to do w/ the manuscript I've got.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

You can



Sting me all you want


You can't hurt me 
though


Since this growth
cannot
be hindered 

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Statue & being





A little show & a little reach


|Something I love| 04|12|2014

Will my goals be reached? Currently, all I want
is to be capable of dance once again. What I mean is___
my manner of dancing, which is based in Chinese martial arts.
I was a trained fighter, multiple forms I know by heart, & I
turned the passion into another art. Physics I studied through
movement, synched this to sound, &___
something beautiful came into creation, something of my own.

Will my goals be reached? Currently, all I want
is to be capable of dance___ once again,
please___.

*

Below is a video I have on my Youtube channel. This clip is quite old & I recorded the freestyle-practice originally to help me refine my patterns of motion etc. Well, soon after it became evident that for the sake of my health___ I would have to stop dancing. I had to cease refining one of my arts___ one of the most important. The first being writing, & thankfully that is the one art that has not been stripped from me due to my health. & as Kafka said, "A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity."___ well, my dears, the same applies in the heart of a dancer.
I at least hope you enjoy seeing me twirl around impromptu to Bach (I used to play cello as well, so I love this music, it was great for practice) <3

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

|Never Forgotten| 04|09|2014



“To whom it may concern,

My name is, Dua Alles Fern & my story is not that of fair or pleasant. The wind brought me to this world initially & I lived as a free, wild creature. Until I came of the age where most are broken & tamed to fit the mold of society, upon which I balked. For my loved ones I compromised & conformed to blend as best I could, but it did no good. By the turning of adult age I was poisoned, my fertility stripped away & since my vitality has done not much but further wither___ I see no point in continuing further. I write this letter to inform those that will suffer the loss of me. I write this letter sitting inside my father’s car w/ a storm brewing nearer. Next to me is a grand oak tree w/ a strong limb from which I have fastened a rope.  I have informed no one so they knew not to fear the action to which I am committing. Before I open the door I will dial the appropriate number & leave the phone on the seat just so they know how to locate what is left of me. Regrettably, I must apologize; this is not how I hoped my life would unfold. However, I see no need to continue in such suffering. No doctor can cure me. There is no one to take care of me. I am no more than a loved burden upon the earth, & I will no longer be.
It is not I that am taking my life, but the demon, which infected me.

W/ great love & sorrow,

Dua Alles Fern___ A Burden No More”

Once family members & authorities arrived to the scene, yes at the break of spring w/ flowers blooming, the only thing found dead was the phone’s battery. The oak tree had been struck by lightning, & the strong limb stood alive w/ rope & perfect noose still dangling.
There was no sign of her hanging. No footprints. No body was ever found.
A mystery the authorities could not unravel. All that could be done to settle the matter was the take the noose down & document the incident as: unsolved, but never forgotten.


*

I just wrote this very brief story to help me vent, because tomorrow is a very important day for me. Just needed to let go of some anxiety. Thus far, in my fiction writing___ all but one of my protagonists have had the intent of suicide, but something outlandish happens to prevent them.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

A One Night Stand


She slammed the door behind her, leaving Leo w/ no agreement that she would be returning. Only the dubious clue of tears that never broke & lips she refused to fully open.

*

Since she left, the static in the room settled & dusk had made its way in through the blinds. Twilight isn’t something he’d thought of since he was a teen, before moving into the city. Always being in the city is similar to remaining in the grey area of the self. Now the separation between light & dark takes the form of a transparent fog of pollution & nature struggling to keep its head on. Living in the self-absorbed, cunningly inventive decoration of convenience, which humanity has built around itself; makes it easy for us to get lost on way to what we originally sought. & what is being sought at the core of this tangle, which has so swiftly made the apartment feel like the quiet ruins of a pandemonium in which he is trapped w/out her presence? 

---

Two snips from my working story titled: A One Night Stand.


This is a sketch I did of one of my
favorite opening shots of the movie:
Leon, The Professional. 
My character, Leo, is partly based on
Leon. I did this sketch during his
character development to help move
things along. For inspiration or what
have you___

Monday, April 7, 2014

FINALLY


My manuscript: Show Heaven to the Sheep is complete!

|Curtain call|

Behind the curtain
is a wizard
behind the wizard
is an engineer
behind the engineer
is a weeping
child