Personal dust

 
My attempt at
long term memory,
is standing on tip toes
& stretching so far
to reach,
it actually hurts,
only to find
the high shelf
empty
of all but dust,
just to make sure tho,
a step stool is gotten
in order to see
that dust
personally,
because
there must be
a
trap door

Looking at how

Considering
my weak spots,
I thought the most
being too much
patience.

Oh

The fruit
of fond memories,
& their bitter
seeds.

Is it all in place?

Worrying about
lights,
windows,
keys & locks

stressing thru
florescent lights,
counting
how much change
I’ve got,
whether ten cents
more for
organic bananas
will make
or break
a less than ideal
grocery list

trying
not to listen
as the pain gnawing
the bottom
of my guts away
screams
to the top
of my lungs
to say
it will never
stop

keeping track to

remember
if
the floor
got swept today,
how many dishes
are left in the sink,
is it recycling day
or trash day,
did the mail get
brought in
& how about
the grit
in
the microwave
& the polish
on
the black stove

even tho
no matter
how clean they’re
kept
one day they’ll
burn out
either way.

A compliment, even

Surrounded
by night
&
the shine
of false bright
from the beam
of headlights
as I trod the sidewalk
back home,
I heard calls broken
from w/in
windows
to guise identity,
unless I paused
to peer inside,
but
on coming
&
on looking
received
no response,
as if an invisible barrier
stood between
my feet
&
their confusion

like it’s a requirement
to react
when they slow down
just
to yell
out of a window.

Two ways to once

Always play
two hands at once,
so no one knows
exactly
what's up.

Premeditated errors

You can
misspell any word
you want,
just make sure
it's the right word.

Lopsides

Asymmetry
is nature's way
of balancing
chaos.

Something like silence

What is heard
right before the crack
of an acorn falling, & just
as the wind touches the leaves
in the trees, it assists
approaching twilight as the stars
seek to reach the sky,
it's tucked in w/ the dust bunnies
underneath your bed,
to call in dreams & say
what needs to be said.

Cross-piece

Wounds of
such depth & frequency
they function as
rungs,
to support smiles that last
forever.

Our mother is mad

Humanity hurts, maybe
that's why they're so ignorant;
from the jump, just after
the long drop from the womb, they are
struck w/ the set malady
of suffering
w/ no clue how;
madness takes hold at an early age,
yet the popular populous is determined
to deny the fact
while accusing those able
to embrace certain degrees of being
mad in the act;
spoon feeding kids corrupt ideals
of what life should be
as human, as consumer & as breeder
perpetuating sugar-coated
misery___
since no one taught them
how
to make humanity hurt any less,
as a constant
reality.

A warped foundation

A sought after
ideal
of what happiness
means, based
off of
material means,
won't solve
anything.

Tension w/out exact detail

Pressure from
so many angles
the causes are a blur,
landscapes of pain that could
never
be painted by number,
patterns w/ building translations
that tend to lend to not
wondering
so much since
the lot be generalities, assisted
by confusion so sharp
the impact is nearly
unnoticeable.

The perfect sacrifice

When something
you love
tears your life apart
due to love,
that's when you know
it's true love.

Never left be

Does not matter
how deep I dig the hole, even if
able to escape humanity___
the worms will then
begin to gnaw
at me.

Form fit

Being normal according
to other's expectations
is like finding a pair
of pants that
will
always
fit perfectly___
it's just not gonna happen.

Subject of humanity

Faith
in historians is
no more than blind,
since those that
walk the path
are not
so certain
in each
act.

Pace

A settling
in my
guts,
after what fond
strain
was
twisting them.

Live it UP

Considering
the
No Down Payment
act
& the growing paranoia
to hoard
& protect what
cannot
be kept___,
we should fully admit
there is
a war on___,
even if it is against
ourselves.

Knives & hot plates

About a week
before
the head chef went
missing
on a month drinking bender,
I had to keep calm
& hold the operation up;
he had taken to antagonizing
our dishwasher
by throwing hot plates,
skillets right off the eye
& even a few
freshly sharpened
knives___
assisting hangovers
they gained together
in nights before rushes
we all should have expected;
yet___
each ticket
was still met on time
as he screamed
until
the dishwasher
cried:
I QUIT!!!

'This will make it easier'

& I smirked to the side, slightly
since, nothing gets easier; components
just shift in the overall scheme
building up to what will be.

Looking past Paradise

Wondering what the one
albino kid, born thru the
fabric into Hotel Heaven
to be claimed as the only
living proof that god
will save them,
is feeling
as he looks out across
the clean field
he's always dreamed of
the other side
of___.

Today & tomorrow

What we call protection
is a money game.
Capitalize on war today!

It's all we've got left anyway.

We closed all other roads
& put up barriers
everywhere
w/ everyone left scared,
yet half pretending
that there's more than
butterflies
remaining to smile after,
& even those may be
gone tomorrow.

Because

Smile at the end
as the fuse hits the bomb,
the one you paid for___
personally.

Human nature

Tapped, desolate
& perceived as crazy,
that's what the end looks like
for the lot of humanity.

Deal

Having returned
to town to retrieve
what was undoubtedly
a last paycheck,
two managers classically
asked me to sit down w/ them,
but a few words in
I couldn't help shrug & interrupt:
'Look, it's cool. You're both new at
doing someone else's dirty work,
but I'm not. So let's stop
wasting each others' time. Just give me
that check in your hand & you can
stop stuttering. I will walk out
that door calmly & never come back.
So we can all breathe. Deal?'

Calm reiteration

A flatline
is the best way
to perceive,
since
chaos seems
to consume
a bit
more___
than everything.

Bullshit

Flatlining reality,
because the soul is too sore
to stand anymore.

No sense nonsense

When each day
is only a lingering
after-taste, because
initial impact
barely even takes.

Down (flatline)

Keep it calm,
so
the walls
do not
fall.

Wasn't until

My body
collapsed that
my mind
could comprehend
the variables
properly.

Don't just walk

Wasn't until
pain began to take
hold of body, that
I thought to dance
atop it all___
w/ glee.

Truth (for moral)

Spent most
of my life petrified, &
it wasn't until I started
to die that I realized
what it is to be
alive.

Cage

What's locked
inside
may just eat you
alive___,
better
pop that bitch
soz it don't stick
too long.

The price

Nothing in this life
comes gratis, cuz
everything you've got
you gotta work for,
& once you've got it,
you've gotta
maintain the right
to keep it.

Around the sun

When the summer
heat wave
finally breaks
into fall, the earth
smells like
the body that
rots.

At final rest

Death
comes knocking,
the clock stops ticking
& then___
comes the final relief.

R.I.P. Dr. Larry Keithley

What's in frame

You know
that to survive,
it must be still framed in
the mind, that all
& everything
will be
just___ fine.

What moves on its own, but is only seen still

At
104 degrees, under
a solid blue Texas sky, she
emitted the sound of a tremble
into the phone & exclaimed,
"Holy shit, when you said that
chills went up my arms!"
after I gave out the events
leading up to my
31st birthday.

The 'attachments'

'Sometimes
I go crazy wondering
what you are thinking.
& you know___
even if you give all
the right answers
I still know
you are somewhere else.
& I'm starting to wonder if you
just can't help it, like there is
a whole other world you are in
that I can't see.
When I'm w/ you, it's like being an
attachment to something else, &
not a part of the whole.'

Usually, there's no way to directly convey
what I'm thinking. Even if I have the words___
they aren't understood when said.
& not a single one of them took to comprehending
my feelings on not being able to
not be somewhere else.

Stunned still

Stepping out the door,
immediately I came face
to face w/ a hummingbird,
fluttering at a standstill
& myself rather
stunned___
we simply stared
at
one another___
& after an unmeasurable span
of time it carried on
as if in slow motion, while
backlit by the sun
it transformed into a silhouette
that included the speed
of its wings
in side traveling,
&
I am still___
completely stunned.

Years ago

An old friend, tho
her juvenile tendencies
weren't my thing, went thru
the trouble to see me;
right before leaving the house
she walked out of the bathroom
& exclaimed about its cleanliness,
I casually shrugged & said:
"We're nearly 30.
Isn't it already time to start
acting our age?"___
to which she
replied that she lived w/
two guys & another female, all
of whom she was sleeping w/,
& later (over lunch)
calmly listed out
her STDs___
while I thought:
perhaps
you should
clean
your bathroom,
even tho I know
those weren't caught
from the toilet
seat.

Are the 'sinners' doing right?

What if the law
is the false Christ
we were taught not to worship
in church as we grew to
view ourselves as
adults?

All day, every day

You can look
at the clock, just
to estimate
what is happening
in a day, but it
doesn't matter what
time it is___
you've still gotta wait.

(7/9/16)

Popping cognitive bubbles

An encompassing plateau
in each___
a riddle of perspectives developed
from what has been reduced
to the power of memory, branched off of
a perpetual will___
that generates the bubble
itself.

Two hour nights

Focus took shift
to hook itself
at the bottom most point
in the belly of
a gulch,
carved by a lifetime's experience,
in order
to subdue the day-mares___
&
I'm ready
to wake up
now.

Go figure

All we do is done
w/ significance, whether
or not aware of each
act, I've seen the proofs___
yet, no fail, feeling
useless & empty
will happen
anyways.

(7/6/16)

Focus & fear

Coping
w/ near death
in enigmatic illness
didn't leave room
for fighting
& hysterics, only reason
paired w/ what calm
could be gathered,
not to mention
one must grow out of such things
to keep focus on the vitals,
but I was surprised
when the threat of a gun
aimed at my head
turned into a moment
in which I didn't feel afraid___
& that is what truly
scared me.

Just to be

Scream

everything
into
nothing
&
nothing
into
everything

w/out opening my mouth.

Cold side of the pillow

These days
I'd rather sleep
w/ a notebook under
my pillow, than
a gun.

Something different

Leaving mystery
as it is, ___it's
just another wild bird
w/ varying forms
of plumage

nothing wrong
w/ that

just because we don't understand
something___
doesn't automatically
make it bad.

Three-dimensional perspective

When there really
is
no time frame
to truly
comprehend,
how potent
is
the trauma of one
lifetime
or
all of them
combine,
&
would that potency
change
if we grew
to see
all of what
we consider to be
time?

More so

One may find
love on the head
of a pin, but
unconditional love___
is
the pin.

(6/5/16)

For the love of

Mushrooms growing
in the field of distant skies, a
forerunning of raze
marking the path
of man’s ingenuity, fear & greed;
reaching beyond the roots
of beginning origins___
where going
too high
leads to brittle limbs
& then, the vulnerable heart,
since we can only
go
so far
as breeds___,
instead of as a race.

(5/11/16)

Thru pain

Living in the flesh
isn't the same
anymore___
I'm not so solid, instead
my body is only
patches of fabric___
that the air may
breathe thru.

Double fold

I am
flawed the fuck up,
& trying not to
dwell in the act of improving
is sometimes infuriating___
especially when all is a
stagnant deterioration seeming
to constantly perch on the
brim of bursting___
& the long lasting drain
of agony eating me alive, so
I stay alive.

As long as any anger
is not directed at others, I can
accept the amount for now
if necessary___
& for that matter I can
accept the flaws
too.

(5/29/16)

A reminder

Today in the sun
a dragonfly landed
on my shoulder,
w/ full grip & wings
it felt like a hand
that reached out
for a moment.

Already at it

There's no bail
on a life sentence___,
you either do your time,
or keep reliving it
to the nines.

It tickles

Variables of life have purpose
just as their movements do too, so
over time these patterns come to
your attention that are
unavoidable since you live them
to the point of most being
rather predictable
to whatever extent, but some act as
life lines___
& you can't help the fact that you
enjoy that energy flow.

Experience w/ numbers

Lucky numbers___
something some think to have,
& if I were to claim one
mine would have to be
13, since it's always been good to me
in strange ways,
but
at the same time___
I don't exactly believe in luck.


(5/20/16 still working, doesn't feel finished)

Shine thru the iris

What truly makes
a smile, remains imprinted
in the eyes___, even if
not constantly kept
on the lips

that smile___
will last tho,
no matter where it is kept
after___
initial impact.

Can't get past the bombs, yet

Sitting still
w/ plenty full focus___
that can remain steady thru internal
noise meeting the external shock reaction, but
the sound of a bomb detonating
miles away___
gets me every time.

Stick to what you know

Don't forget
the experience___
gained over a lifetime,
can't let one's self
slip back into old patterns
that were eliminated___
due to growth past
the mindset it took to exist,
so experiencing it again___
feels like sandpaper to the mind,
because it only occurs in
moments that feel like missteps,
since thru experience
we change___
in a way that sticks, so we
don't
step backwards.

(4/28/16 still want to keep editing)

Life

One
more
stretch
on
the line.

(4/26/16)

Just as the all

I
can
take
a bad
joke, but
know that
some day you
automatically pay
for your
actions___,
just as we all
do.

(4/14/16)

Wool lined skull

Expressing what
you want
& don't want___
seems useless if others
ears are plugged w/ wool
& eyes are clouded
from the inside,
so they can
believe___
whatever they want.

(4/24/16)

Accepting this

Pain lives thru
my body___
& that means___
I don't
live in pain, & I
never did.

(4/26/16)
:By now I get that this is true, but
it feels very strange to say.

Can't keep pretending

How many times
did death caress
our lives
as children, & went
unnoticed___,
so we could keep
playing
make-believe?

That touch of___

Being punched back
into poetry is better, because
the boundaries are not
limits___,
besides___,
touching the untouchable
is good for the soul.

Yielding for stubborn determination

Admitting
that this is as good
as it gets
for now___ is
hopefully advantageous
to a wait-&-see
optimism pushing mentality
that exists, because
what waits in the alternative is___
a wasted life
I won't
bother imagining.

(4/1/16)

What rough edges?

Sharp mannered, but not
w/ ill will___
smooth when appropriate, & sweet
when summoned___

not many seem to get it tho.

(3/28/16)

So

Tip toes bleeding
soz to balance on the edge
of a razor blade, of a
special brand
called:
Live Anyway.

(3/31/16)

Tremble to a sigh

Even when alone
I will
hide the pain
by taking a sip, &
release the sigh
into
my cup.

Provoking to provoke

Bop me w/ a mallet
until I come out
tender.

Even if prepared, it comes down to luck & a prayer

Can't waste it
asking how life
got this way,
it's already painful
enough
as is

even as a child
I expected it would suck,
so maybe my life
wouldn't be
such a let down, but there was
no way to quite picture it,
& there's no way
I could've expected this shit
& be grateful no less, as
it could be
so much
worse

let's just pray
I did something right, cuz
one good deed may later
save my skin, barely___, since
it's happened more
than once
before

3/27/16

Letter to the spirit

Building a wall
of words,
wrapping truth in___
riddles,
as a diplomatic defense
to protect one self
& the other___,
still
it's a
double bind
that stops & winds up
mind & energy___,
if you step forward w/out
hearing or absorbing
those words, the
wall will grow
taller___
& your results
may bring tears to
the eyes
but, too, more wisdom
unfolds___
in heart & mind.

Deceptive innocence

Never knowing for
certain
if they will be able to
maintain
self-control & understanding
& not convince them self the two
of you are destined to___

when
the truth___
has been present
since meeting.

(3/22/16)

Touch up

Coping
mechanism
toughens grounds
for more___.

(2/29/16)

The boot nail

Being treated like a heel___,
as if I have no soul
of my own___,
helps keep my chin up.

(2/19/16)

No on

Hoisting me up
on a pedestal I have
no interest in, &
treating me as if I have
no rights,
won't get you your
ideal.

(If a woman says no & has to repeat that she means NO, then she is not your ideal.)

Bearing behind a bare tooth smile

Reality is too long-winded,
w/ its abrasive monotony dragging
thru like an eternal nightmare
where all bad cuts
close
if not hitting
actuality,
truth takes emotional torture to gain
& we still find a way to smile
___ usually.

3/12/16

Inside

Rain drop galaxy :}

A wish is (continuation for Alles)

So many eyelashes
blown into
nothing
&
so many shooting stars
blaze to a
fade

never has fate
felt so close
yet
never has the horizon
felt so far,
while
nie
aparting

as a wish is where
the truth
awaits.

At all

Four walls can mean
just as much as
no walls.

Alles

When a wish is
granted,
all
becomes truth.

Conscious cocoon

A butterfly that
bites
is a natural beauty
that feels
like
a freak
of nature.

For each our benefit

Traveled near to TN to
see my grandmother today,
after a stronger hug than usual___
she placed the Venus mound
of her left hand to my forehead
& smiled while pretending
to actually rub away worry lines___
from my face,
& I smiled while pretending
it worked.

(1/31/16)

Ma

Apple rhyme
funny fish hooks
emotional weather forecasts,
& Henry.

(Written while having a blast w/ my friends.)

Enduring cold

Blades
of
evergreen
remain sturdy,
even in January
snow.

The texture of thought

Don't worry, the joke 's on me

Slamming palms to his head
& looking away,
he balked,
"Why do you always talk in riddles!?"

I looked away too,
thinking: shit, I'm screwed.

Eventually tho, I adjusted
to others generally not
being able to relate
to me, & learning how to be
present
while at a distance
anyway.

(What age 22 taught me)

Poetry kills (a cliche)

Each word a
bullet___
& verse an entry
wound___,
every interpretation is
another angle
off which
to ricochet internally,
&
if lucky___
when the point finally
hits___
you'll survive.

Focus, for the real

Tired of looking through these eyes,
peeling back the lids feels
bone dry

only damp in the corners where
no one else can see, as
I continue to dance
to think that
I'm free

before these lids close again
I'd like to believe I
saw the
raw
&
real

so this life can be
vindicated.

Only the appropriate

More
wants everything, in
misunderstanding what's deserved.

It'll hurt anyways

Popping a stitch
as if it were
just___
a knuckle joint.

What doesn't stop___

Headwaters
of light & dark,
carving character into
the bedrock
of life.

Building riddles

Words don't always
come back so easily,
these days___.