Focus & fear

Coping
w/ near death
in enigmatic illness
didn't leave room
for fighting
& hysterics, only reason
paired w/ what calm
could be gathered,
not to mention
one must grow out of such things
to keep focus on the vitals,
but I was surprised
when the threat of a gun
aimed at my head
turned into a moment
in which I didn't feel afraid___
& that is what truly
scared me.