Sometimes
a scar
can be a void
w/ no
rise
in the flesh
Sunday, November 21, 2021
Saturday, November 20, 2021
April 27, 2011
A scar
in my bellybutton
resembles
a cross
from my viewpoint
it’s upside down
&
it’s been slowly fading
as I watch
still each time
it’s seen
the memory triggers
of
waking up
from surgery in
an evacuated hospital
in under
a couple hours
I was getting dressed
& insisting
the nurse take out
the IV
so I could go
check on my family
in a blackout
the area was shredded
by tornadoes while
they cut into me
Monday, November 8, 2021
A strategic free-fall
I survived past
perceiving my efforts
as tho
I had been
trying to outrun death
or even taking up pursuit to embrace it
turned out
it actually had been
attempting to stand better
just like anybody else
only in complicated circumstances
that didn’t quite drop
thru
that great trap door
as
the heart
just wouldn’t stop beating
no matter
how much
I let go
Monday, October 25, 2021
Tuesday, October 5, 2021
I hurt
Nerve pain is terrifying
it’s living in an electric fire
where
if you don’t play your cards right
parts burn out & go numb
static web lacing each organ together
& aching at the knowledge that they function
is preferable to the absent cold
of numbness
each day
still complete w/ memory from when it didn’t
feel that way
as sensations change rapidly
w/ the weather
whether or not the body is in decent care
the difference between a want & a need
is a lesson tended to thoroughly
when
a routine of common events
becomes a horizon to memorize
from full sight to blindness
to survive better
w/ nerve pain embedded
in each side
Sunday, September 12, 2021
About nine months & counting
A tangible
degree of space,
where once rung a pain
that reached the near by
of everything,
has eased
considerably
as I said
he’d only haunt me
while alive
Friday, September 10, 2021
Like a dog w/ a bone
In the warm
morning sun I
catch the spider in
the kitchen window
appearing to
rest
w/ an ant clutched in her mouth
Wednesday, August 11, 2021
Greater boredom
Made tough
to the point of rust
as time said: that’s enough,
let’s try
slow erosion for awhile
I’m wondering how long the thought
of another
conveniently
coming by & giving the goods a polish
will last
as embracing
patience
holds more value
than just pushing steam
high
Saturday, June 12, 2021
To see fit to not commit murder
Sitting in the dark
in the garage
fussing over whether or not
the side door was open
due to feeling watched by an unseen force
he admitted to me that the voices
were telling him
to commit homicide
my guts twisted into a near vomitous state
&
my head filled w/ panic
to the point
of pain
as I questioned whether or not
the escalation
would lead to another serious altercation
kept behind closed doors
or
persuasion in the conversation
toward reason
Monday, May 31, 2021
Looking into a thousand-yard stare
What did I hold in my hands that I do not now?
his menacing frown,
or the nerves rambling in my gut
as he would intentionally
stand behind me
& suddenly the thought flat-lines because
I just don’t have it in me
to complain or too readily emote since
long ago I let go
so much so
only his death was left
& looking him in
the face
one too many
times
Friday, May 28, 2021
Inside-out
Your assumptions
feel louder than the reality over which
you assume
it’s that first person perspective that seems to lead into the right
like the inability to question your own behavior
before it becomes externalized
for others to observe
Sunday, March 14, 2021
Like a horn to a boat gone afloat
For a long time
I tried talking to his
reality
why is not beyond me
as
I watched the fog in his mind
move in & take him away
slowly