Teeth & knuckles

Don’t run
from what
is inside,
perhaps at first
chase it, but
eventually___
you must
face it.  

Don’t deny
yourself
truth.

Buckle in, put
your dukes up &
roll w/ each punch;
that is how___
you keep
up.

Life through the written word

One of the disturbing
aspects of being a writer
is when people take your pieces
personally, since they do
or have interacted w/ you in person.

Other than being ill, this is one of the
reasons I have so few friends
& would rather keep to myself___
___ when they socialize w/ me, 
then read my most recent work 
___I've experienced
too often the repercussions of
it going straight to their head___ &
assuming that it’s about them, &
them alone___.

It’s understandable.

In my case though, specifically, I can say:
my work comes from a very wide view
& distant stance, because I prefer to
look at subjects from every angle possible.

My intent is not to point fingers, instead
what I do is pull everything apart
by the nuts & bolts & expound on what I have
observed from far away & up close;
naturally, all writers pull from experience
& environment to help inspire their work to
continue, even evolve.

My work is not stabbing anyone, & 
I won't change my position of staying at a
distance, since my writing is more
important to me than hypersensitive friendships
that I always end up pushing away___.

Beginning vivisection

Anger,
what does it
breed?

Anger,
what is this
emotion
composed of?

Is it
fear & pain combined,
w/
a damaged heart?

The heart
can only be damaged
if you
allow it to be;
fear is an option, & so
is anger.

***

The mind is a tool
we learn
how to use through
trial & error;
of course subjected
to hang-ups
amounting to us
holding
ourselves back___,
until we meet
further realizations.

To the whole & for

Conjectura Principia:

Assumptions made on
the foundation
of another’s moral
code___

Theorems___
in essence are
non-self-evident, &
may be better proven by
use of reason
through clean observation,
on intertwined truths
developed from said other’s
perspective___

***

Are
you looking for the whole, or
at the whole, or
are you just tossing around
fragments
of what you have decided to
call the truth about
another whom you never knew
to begin w/, thus subconsciously
creating a wall between
two different perspectives;
yours & theirs___

Are
you ready to
let go of
judgment & just
be?

Thought w/out title

Please,
do not belittle
what & who you do not know
on an up-close & quite
personal basis.

True,
so many amount to simple formulas,
but___ there are those creatures
which exist among circular social masses
that aren’t easy to get a grip on, thus
assumptions start up & coarse observations
develop which have no real validity___
since, you only see these particulars from
a distance, & this can only be changed
if you openly embrace & accept
their surreptitious qualities.

Observation around emotion

Seeking
to describe the
interstitial splices of sensation
which englobe an emotion,
not
the emotion itself. 

Am & will be

Whichever direction
I turn
does not matter,
each time I comprehend a
notion that I just
don’t belong there,
but somewhere
I always am, & I won’t deny
there is an ache that
says___ I’m needed, but
where, that is
beyond me.

Aside from here & now

it is in the distance,
while knowing I have some
purpose in the current,
I can’t ignore
the pulling
from that direction
I apparently just
haven’t found,
yet___.

Thick cut from nothingness

A
slab of
meat so tough
it hangs
midst nothing,
such as
what one sees in
the freezer of slaughter
houses, only___ here
there is no light
whatsoever,
here___ there are no
walls, which means no
doors or windows,
just___

a slab of meat so
tough___
it dangles solid from
a hook___
midst absolutely
nothing.

Rapids

Does it seem as though
thoughts are chasing to influence
external behavior?

I’ve just woken up___
& it feels like, upon my body’s rise
w/ blood beginning to pump
& synapses firing up,
I’m processing thousands of thoughts

all at once, in layers,
& the experience comes on like
an attack, at first, &
what happens next is up to
me___ to a certain degree, because I
can either turn & face this intense rush
or___ I can just___
let it drive me crazy.

Snips

Just snips from a two page piece, collage, I'm working on.

What the stories demand

There's something wrong. I've been chewing on it for weeks. What bothers me is the stories, my stories. I write what comes out, w/out too specific of a goal since then it may not turn out right. Either way I like that as I write it writes itself, w/in certain parameters. The mind paints as it writes, & each does so differently. When I look at anything, first I see its bare structure. The skeleton of the object, such as rooms, characters & even tones. States of emotion & their interactions w/ others, have their own bones & joints. That's the thing___, my stories are too naked. I go back & add color, because on the first run I focus so much on the pure function of each element of the plot. Now I notice___ my dialogues are only so much as cutting the surface. At first I was very minimal w/ dialogue, because I wanted the scene & character mannerisms to speak louder. This, I'm not sure was understood, but if I am pleased w/ a piece of work there's no need to change it due to another's inability to see a certain use of detail. No, I don't know what makes a good story. All I know is what comes out of me, what it represents & that it is an ever changing process to bring them to life. Now the stories seem near transparent. If they were made of terrycloth I could hold them up to the light & see straight through their woven fabric. Each skeleton has parallel variables & varieties of decoration. What I think needs to happen is___ more decoration. Color & emotion need to be thickened. My characters are psychological formulas, not people! I'm too clinical, & I'm not a fan of lace. This should be interesting to attempt___.

L.

Some outer bits

Emotions can be
like dandelion petals,
eventually they shrivel
to a poof
& w/ a deep inhale & push
of the breath___
we can easily blow them away.

Each w/ seed attached,
which we smile & wave at,
as they float into the
distance___
converting to simple memories.

Recent me shots

Currently Untitled

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17879972-currently-untitled?fb_action_ids=395316073940911&fb_action_types=books.rates&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

The link above is to my review of Ian McLeod's book: Currently Untitled. It is the first of his series in The Darwinverse.

http://www.amazon.com/Currently-Untitled-The-Darwinverse-McLeod-ebook/dp/B00CLZR61I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400341228&sr=8-1&keywords=Currently+Untitled+Ian+McLeod

& the above link is so you can locate Currently Untitled on Amazon, as well as Ian's other publications. You can get this on Kindle & in print.

https://www.facebook.com/IanHMcLeod?ref=profile

The last link for this post is to Ian's writer profile on Facebook. Happy reading!

The review itself:

By creating Currently Untitled, Ian McLeod has brought to us the reality of two worlds in one: a man struggling to write & a stifled writer brooding due to his success. These two worlds, w/out having previously known one another, are brought by fellow characters to cross paths, allowing the story to unfold. Both have already succeeded in their individual fortunes, but the difference is one has a published book over which the populous is raving & the other aspires to have the same. The main character, Angus begins by greatly admiring who is in essence his opposite, the successful writer. When their paths cross, each world is subjected to ripples, which evolve into waves. By the conclusion of the story, one could say a tsunami is created, & unexpected chaos erupts. Upon its finish one may be stunned by the wild turn of events in how the two worlds clash together. What message is left by Ian’s story line leaves our minds to boggle. In the prequel: Dead Tree Version, we will no-doubt learn more about Darwin, who is the opposing character to Angus in Currently Untitled.

Miller

http://ubu.com/sound/miller.html

Interviews & such w/ Henry Miller.

No sleep or beans

Coffee is not
something I consume anymore
I gave it up because it makes my pain worse, but
there are days (like today) where I wish I could have
a cup___ just a cup, since sleep is not
something I have much of
due to the pain.

It kept me half awake last night, & today I must
scrub the house to a polish to assist her favorite candy
(I saved)
& a card I handmade___ thankfully creations from my heart
hold more value than bought trinkets lacking
personal sentiment w/ a price-tag attached & perhaps
sealed in cellophane.

There are beans in the freezer, left over from when I did drink
___coffee___ but just like my limited intake of cigarettes
those beans are only used for emergencies, & now
I just don't see the point in grinding them up
because my body pays for the act of drinking a cup
in the long-run.

Instead I pull myself up by my own boot straps
& summon the energy from who even knows where &
get the job done___ regardless of the pain
not letting up, thus depriving me of sleep & keeping me___
beyond exhausted.

Soon I hope to have the same lack of desire to strike a lighter
& keep on smoking one after another, to assist the struggle
of having to keep on living w/ the pain
& sleep deprivation___
I'll make it out clean, whether or not I'm still tired___
because it's part of what I want on way to
ridding myself of this
painful bane.

A change

In the past near 8 years I have endured extreme health issues, details I won't go into___
& I'm determined to get as much of my health back as I can & become financially stable once again.
Needless to say there's always a lot on my mind, but exceptionally so lately. Not to mention
w/in the bundle of my lively hood having been stripped from me & the ability to gain income___
I had to learn to depend on family to survive. W/out, I would be dead, & that is not a stretch in the least.
What I'm getting at is, that in that process, also I ended up not being heard. Not listened to___
I became like a child just along for the ride, because I couldn't do anything else. So why listen to
what I have to say? Today I drew that line. I'm sick of being pushed around & subjected to other's bs.
Hopefully soon I will get proper treatment for my body & be able to return to some type of life
that is not laying awake nights screaming in agony, barely able to eat due to certain health issue etc.
I do not want to be a prisoner to my illness any longer!
As well, to boot___ I'm quitting smoking. While I smoke less than a pack a day & only started at 24
(no doubt due to my struggles)___ next year I turn 30! No more. I can only have the best possible
in mind for my future. My 20s were torn away from me & I nearly died & mostly certainly lost my mind at times. I was forced to the brink of death & chose to crawl back by power of will.
Quitting smoking is just a single piece of straw in the pile. It's easy in comparison to what I've lived through, & I'm thankful to still be alive & have what very little I have.
I have to take care of myself, & I won't take anybody's bullshit anymore.
Life is too valuable a gift.
xoxo

L.

We don't fully know ourselves

Don't assume
to
know another by
reading
their writing,
since it is only a
fraction
of
themselves.

Even I like to run from it

Distinctly I recall, years ago,
 her saying, "I don't assume to know
 what goes on in your mind___
 but, I see the gears turning, & I fear
there's a master plan___."
 Quietly I smiled, because she was correct.
No explanation could be given though,
 even if I wished there was
a response backed by hope to understand.
W/ quiet mystery intact it draws
some close for awhile___ a bit maybe,
but the truth is too much even for me,
at times.
So, generally it is better not to bother___.

What future please

Today I have been moved
 from the basement to a room
since I have slept one night
 in four days___

 feeling like a ping-pong ball
batted from one side to
 the next, while in the middle
 ( w/ natural concern for
 my future)
 I am
at peace
w/ myself & cognitive
 path walking w/out feet___

what would be nice to feel,
to see, is you___

but I don't know you
& you don't know me___

Instead I walk away

When people talk about
the middle of the road, they
mean that yellow line
where one generally sees
run over animals

this is not
of what I speak,
actually, I don’t say a thing
because what I see
is people w/ the deer
frozen in head lights look
on what was their
previously
smug faces, since the
middle road
is not
something easily
understood

& nothing
else is to be expected
out of them

to explain is
useless

Forever true

Ya know what___
I haven't slept a wink, &
ya know what I think___
the world is going to shit, &
I'm madly in love w/ it!

Off the rocks
straight up & down,
taste the dirt
it's sweet
just like honey in
early morning cups of tea.

What's interesting & complexing
is that I believe in unconditional love, &
there are those who don't, but
mistake me for being angry___
which is fascinating, because the last emotion
I'm interested in feeling is anger
& too, I happen to be a very happy person___
forgiving, accepting & when necessary
indifferent
since life in essence is not fair.

I wonder if they don't believe in
unconditional love
because
they can't accept or forgive how painful
life really is
& that no matter if you're a good person or bad
you still suffer___
& some of them have been there for me
in time of true need___
& ya know what, I love them unconditionally
because
the world is going to shit
& each other is all we may have left
before the dirt tastes just like
honey.

To death

Calling shots like it’s
hot

what___
TELL ME WHAT
is going to hit the
spot
NEXT___

or
are we just going
to play & sing:
ring-a-round the rosie
until
all that’s left is ash
from
past FANCIES

I’ll tell you what___
shots may be
called
like
they’re hot
but, thing is, in the
over-all scheme
what hits the
spot
is only temporary

since
in the end
we all drop___
& WE won’t be so
HOT___

Because I love you

Awake all
night
in thought, but not
worried

perhaps w/ this
instance
the stinger will be
removed

for good

since the pierce
always
burns to the
heart
w/ each
stab

from
the lion headed
scorpion