A parting of veins

Sometimes
a scar
can be a void
w/ no
rise
in the flesh

April 27, 2011

A scar
in my bellybutton
resembles
a cross

from my viewpoint
it’s upside down
&
it’s been slowly fading
as I watch

still each time
it’s seen
the memory triggers
of
waking up
from surgery in
an evacuated hospital

in under

a couple hours
I was getting dressed
& insisting
the nurse take out
the IV

so I could go
check on my family
in a blackout

the area was shredded
by tornadoes while
they cut into me

A strategic free-fall

I survived past
perceiving my efforts
as tho
I had been
trying to outrun death

or even taking up pursuit to embrace it

turned out
it actually had been  
attempting to stand better
just like anybody else
only in complicated circumstances
that didn’t quite drop
thru
that great trap door
as
the heart
just wouldn’t stop beating
no matter
how much
I let go

Pain management

Have
patience
w/ everything
&
a true zeal
for
almost nothing

I hurt

Nerve pain is terrifying

it’s living in an electric fire
where
if you don’t play your cards right
parts burn out & go numb

static web lacing each organ together
& aching at the knowledge that they function
is preferable to the absent cold
of numbness

each day
still complete w/ memory from when it didn’t
feel that way

as sensations change rapidly
w/ the weather
whether or not the body is in decent care

the difference between a want & a need
is a lesson tended to thoroughly
when
a routine of common events
becomes a horizon to memorize
from full sight to blindness
to survive better
w/ nerve pain embedded
in each side

About nine months & counting

A tangible
degree of space,
where once rung a pain
that reached the near by
of everything,
has eased

considerably

as I said
he’d only haunt me
while alive

Like a dog w/ a bone

In the warm
morning sun I
catch the spider in
the kitchen window
appearing to
rest

w/ an ant clutched in her mouth