Mockery from the shadows

Nights in the previous month I have woken from w/ unexplained burns, torn flesh & bruises that linger for weeks. This compelled me to gather stones I don’t know if truly work in my favor. I used a bowl full of cleansed water, rose & crystal quartz I soaked in sunlight. Some even strung around my neck, because I remembered the past of having been so close to death. Back then, years ago, as I lay nearly paralyzed & screaming out night & day for help that was not received___ the bed would shake as I saw before my eyes nightmarish landscapes that could not be avoided. I was infected & fighting for my life. When the illness was too much & screams were muffled by fatigue___ clenching the sheets, I could feel, hear & see the glass of the windowpane next to me being pounded to nearly a shatter & the structure of the house seemed to be falling. Then I would slip into unconsciousness, & when waking again___ it was silent for a few hours, say for my pounding heart & mind stating to remain strong. That went on for two & a half years straight before anything could be done. & as the infection left me, I drew closer to death’s grip. Screaming at the walls, even more paralyzed than before, my will nearly collapsed w/ my body___ not the windows or walls. Now still struggling w/ the left over pain I understand my strength, but something still hangs around me. Just as the shadows in my room used to deepen, shift, creep closer & consume the very bed I lay in___ something breathes into my dreams as a reminder that I am not free. Last night, w/ bowl & stones I questioned if were silly, my energy was pulled & taunted. Fears rose up which I attempted to placate, & a ringing grew louder inside me. Saying to myself: all is fine, the storm outside softened to just the rain falling w/ little breeze. The more I eased myself___ it felt as though anger grew in the air surrounding, but it was not mine. W/out fear, this only depressed me, & I kicked the ill feelings away enough to ignore the taunting. Just as I thought all was calm, laying in the dark___ something caught my eye, compelling me to watch the window. A bright light shines from the house behind giving the tree’s shadows more distinction. I have known this room for more than 8 years & I trust each shift in the trees, which have not changed. This time though, I saw a different shadow___ one I could not rationalize. My logical mind was puzzled but not afraid as I sat & watched what looked to be a mangled torso moving back & forth, almost pacing. It did not line up w/ the sway of branches & leaves, for the wind would have had to be much stronger to produce this image. It was as thick as the oak tree’s trunk, but the scape outside does not line up & had never produced such an image. I laughed w/ nearly a scoff, because I would not be caught off guard by such an occurrence. My imagination could have built all this up, I said, but still was kept alert even though I yawned. Eventually all gave in & I fell asleep, waking to nothing more than the norm. Except for a rather large bruise went missing from my leg, which had shown up just the morning before. My mind chalked it all up to: what is is, leaving all this experience open ended___ as always. The dream I had though___ it was the first of me seeing myself as a child attempting to capture a blue, mercurial liquid I had chased & it was slowly dripping through a grate in the ground. No facts have I found from all this, ___just further acceptance of mystery.

(taken from actual experience, but still___ the mind & its maze can be a tricky thing)