Maybe today (w/out sleep)

Never___
I never sleep
the night before my
doctor appointments,
too___ it always storms.

Awake all night w/out
so much
as a wink, by 5am the rumbles
start to roll in___
knowing my alarm isn't
far away, I decide to
go sit on
the front porch to listen
to the birds sing___
& watch as the lightning
starts up w/ sunrise,
I let a few tears fall w/ the rain
because what difference
does it make
when my feet & hands are
already feeling the drizzle___
just as I turn to walk inside
it really starts up w/ a loud crack
of simultaneous
thunder & lightning___
as my feet hit
the threshold the rain
drops heavier from the sky___

Maybe today
I'll get some good news,
& certainly they won't throw me
into the hospital___
even though it's an easy
phone call away, because___
they're always ready
for a battery of tests & another
IV___

Not today___
I don't want to see or feel
another needle again
in my life, but it's inevitable___
no matter how beautiful
life is___
it will always be
a pain filled struggle___