Pushing it

The main holidays everybody loves &/or bitches about haven't quite arrived, & already I've decided November is over. It's December already! Only if I could expect others to work on the same track of time that I do, then I could be pissed that they're all behind. Seriously, let's just skip Thanksgiving & Christmas, because this time in actual December I will have pushed it on into January just for the hell of it! Let's see what the year is like w/out major holidays. It'll be refreshing, I promise___, & if not then we'll make sure you get hit in the head w/ a two-by-four by May (at least). Go ahead & rip those cardboard turkeys, over-stuffed plush Santas & all decorative light bulbs down! Just go back to what you were doing, don't ask any questions & everything will be fine.
Time flies by so fast, yet unbearably slow___. Why not just forget what the rest of the world is usually up to & throw them all a curve ball? Because, then all & everything would be in a state of chaos. Hello, we're already in chaos & it's the pattern of the current state that doesn't actually work. I'm aware it's probably just me that wants to smear time around, but it would make sense if you knew my reality.
How about this: I'll give you back your Thanksgiving & Christmas___ if we can forget my birthday.
(Brought to you by: It's too early!)