Alienating myself further

|At the end|

Still, it is not over___

the avenues are being cut down
options are dwindling
& now I must play the role
of a penniless bitch begging for
an attorney; which I don’t
believe, at this juncture, will help
anything aside from appeasing
the exploration
of every dead end…

*

My personal life of trying to remain composed as a prisoner to an illness inflicted, is heading into the legal world. The last place I wanted it to go, but nothing else has worked, & this may not work either. I could be setting myself up for a whirl-wind of hell & come out w/ nothing. I keep telling myself it's just more experience & know-how to be gained; try & hold that positive outlook together a little longer, maybe something will work. The process of trying to regain my health & get my life back in working order is my main focus right now. As well, keeping my writing & various other forms of art moving forward in progress.
& ya know what? I don't have time to pat every single head & explain my every action, so others feel like they know what's going on in my mind. This is a general statement that goes out to a lot of people, not just one...not just two...pretty much anyone who pays attention to my moves enough to care or be offended by something that is purely mine. In fact, the only thing I have to myself. So back the fuck up unless you can step up & be real about it. This isn't grade school, if we're friends enough to get offended then we should be adult enough to discuss it, as opposed to idly milling shattered glass of past bonds into self-weaponry, in separate sections w/ no communication.
Go ahead & think me snide if my life doesn't purely revolve around dancing on egg shells, soz not to disturb the egos of others. My art is MY art, my life is MY life & right now all you're gonna get is the adverse paroxysms I've had building up in my spit of spits for what feels of an eternity.
In the past I have only further alienated myself by not playing by the same rules & by speaking directly, w/out the candy coating. At this point I'm fed up w/ the network games of frontage & reputation battles. If you need others to ride, suck & rub your ego for personal gratification & further affirmation of what a brilliant writer you are___ don't come sniffing around my petticoat, instead go fuck the horse you rode in on. I'm not interested, & pleased to be nobody. 

-The Happy Rock