Thanks, but no thanks___

When screaming: kill me
like a woman in labor,
just bite the pillow

Alone, on my own___,
so kiss my pearly white ass
w/ no altruism

When the pain does stop
I will pick up the pieces
on my own, always.

-
Yes, I know this sounds angry, but I'm not entertaining that emotion. Instead, I am expressing___ I guess, simply that I can take care of myself even when paralyzed by pain. I have always taken care of myself, & I should've gone to the hospital today. There wasn't anybody home though, & when someone did arrive___ she was so horrified by my state that she wouldn't look at or speak to me. There are some days when I'm scared that altruism has truly died in the modern age of humanity. Something inside tells me I know better though. It's like utopia, which can only exist through an individual, as opposed to the mass. Altruism is similar in that___ some (most) people are more driven by fear of themselves & others to really commit to an altruistic act. Or, even compassion___ for that matter. Having predominately taken care of myself for 30 years___ I don't get angry when I'm dealing w/ the paralyzing pains, but it does hurt me emotionally (just for a bit, I get over it quick, because I understand the source) when___ someone does finally arrive & they don't even have the guts to ask if they can be there for me. Now___ I just expect things to be this way.