Sitting w/ the thought of joy

Staring off into nothing

w/ plenty on the mind

not happy not sad

just calm.

Even when a lot you wouldn’t expect
cuts w/out hitting too deep
there are certain things,
if subjected to over a long period
could be gotten used to, but currently
rub me the wrong way.

I’ve been fighting a long time
to get my life back
& it consumes what life I do have
& I keep saying: eventually something
will work

you know you’re not happy

& you’re not sad either

calm is fine,

since any other emotion would be
a waste of energy, w/ the
exclusion of
joy.